Weekend Coffee Hurricane

img_6284If we were having coffee today, a storm out in the Atlantic named Florence would be on my mind.  I keep watching the forecasts and it apparently is aimed at the coast of the Carolinas.

I live a bit inland, but these storms are so big we can get some impact here, depending on where it hits.  In 1996, Hurricane Fran hit the coast just south of Wilmington NC.  In looking at historical tracking maps it looks like that area between Myrtle Beach and Wilmington is the sweet spot as regards deep inland penetration to this area.  Fran caused great damage in the area where I live, mostly wind damage.  Note: wind damage means long-term loss of power.

Here’s a link about Hurricane Fran:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hurricane_Fran … there’s an interesting graphic on that page that details the ranking of the ten “Most severe landfalling Atlantic hurricanes in the United States” … in looking at that I realized that I have been affected by FOUR of the storms on that list.  Hurricane Carla in 1961 I remember very well.  I don’t remember Audrey but I know it affected the area I lived in but I was 5 and we were on the fringes of it.  Hugo didn’t have a huge impact here in central NC but it was so big we got the fringes of it and they were significant. And, of course, Fran.

We lived in a single-wide mobile home in 1996.  Yes, don’t ride out the storm in a mobile home.  I know that.  We also didn’t have any place to go.  We lived in a mostly rural county.  The evacuation center they set up was 25 miles away down an awful road I didn’t like to drive on in clear, dry weather.  By the time we knew it was going to be bad where we were, it was too late.  Even worse, the storm hit in the middle of the night.  The power went out pretty early.  I remember sitting in on the couch watching a half-empty 2-liter bottle of Coke on the coffee table.  Remember that scene in Jurassic Park when the Tyrannosaurus was approaching and the coffee in a cup had ripples in it with each step?  This bottle of Coke did the same thing.  Huge gusts would hit the mobile home and cause ripples just like that, again and again.  Things hit the walls.  Unidentifiable sounds in the blackness of night were terrifying.  Eventually, I drifted off to sleep and woke up to birds chirping. I looked out to a stark reality.  We lost a huge tree in our backyard (one of the terrifying sounds in the night) but it miraculously fell away from the house.  It would have crushed the mobile home and probably killed me where I was sitting.  My neighbor on that side had a stand of pine trees on his lot. This one tree took down SEVENTEEN of his trees (most with a trunk diameter of 8-10 inches).

So, I’m watching this storm.  I bought a generator yesterday.  I’ve been meaning to get one for a long time.  Here we also have ice storms that result in lengthy power outages so it is something I’ve meant to get for a long time.  In the time I was at the store, I saw four other generators purchased.

I’ll stock up on nonperishable supplies today and tomorrow.  I’ll pick up debris around the house.  I just had a roof leak patched.  It hasn’t been completely tested.  I guess it will be tested.  I’ll have a tarp and bricks ready.  Gas in the car, gas for the generator.  With my luck, all of these preparations will likely steer the storm away.

Oh, coffee, I should lay in some coffee as well as some water (but our rural water system supply seems pretty stable).  The one bright spot after Fran: our kitchen range was propane and I had plenty of gas. I also worked at that time as a barista for a high-end coffee purveyor.  We had really good coffee.

Just as I was finishing this post I saw another forecast … bullseye on the NC/SC border.  It’s still almost a week out.  We’ll see …

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina.
Please go buy his books!    http://thefensk.com

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Voices

backlit beach clouds dark

If we were having coffee today I’d tell you that I found out this week that my darling bride Gretchen had not been very truthful to me recently.  After she told me the details I was not mad.  I understood her reasons.

When she first told me she had found a lump in her breast, we initiated a series of diagnostic actions that culminated in a cancer diagnosis and major surgery. She’s doing well now, thank you. She still has significant bouts of pain but she came out of the ordeal with no chemo, no radiation, and, so far at least, no cancer.

Ah, but this week she told me it wasn’t as simple as “she found a lump.”  In reality, she had hundreds of lumps and nodes.  This was the main reason she had a mastectomy instead of a lumpectomy.  Every nodule and papilloma was a potential cancer bomb and she was looking at a lifetime of biopsies and surgeries.

So if she hadn’t found a lump, what was it?

She heard a voice.

It wasn’t a physical manifestation but it was just as real as if she had heard it with her ears.  Somewhere deep within her soul a voice emerged in early January and said, “You have cancer.”

It unnerved her. I could tell she was more than just concerned, she was visibly upset when she told me she had found a lump.  I later wondered to myself how she managed to find one cancerous lump amongst the hundreds of targets in her breasts. I attributed it to luck.  Obviously, it was much more.

We’re human. It’s easy to assume others won’t understand if you say you heard a voice.  Now, voices, the potential for a deeper problem exists there.  But I find the notion of a prophetic warning to be quite acceptable.  I cover such things in several of my novels, both published and unpublished.  I believe in ghost stories too and I don’t discount many other prophetic happenings.

Whose voice was it?  Does it matter?  If could have been the massive supercomputer we call the subconscious brain.  That’s a clinical answer.  Myself, I prefer a more spiritual explanation. The voice of God?  Perhaps.  Or maybe what people call a guardian angel.  Sure, that works for me too. It could have been the spirit of a loved one, like her mother or her grandmother. Heck, my mother passed away in the last year, it might have been her.

It doesn’t matter who said it.  Not really.  The real point is: she listened.

There are many things in this world that are far beyond our understanding.  I think it is best not to question the good things.  Miracles?  Who am I to say?

Here’s a fun thing: Gretchen has a notion that I really like.  When she finds a random penny on the ground, she considers it a reminder that her late mother is watching over her and she picks it up because she considers it to be a gift from her mother.  I do it too. Hey, it means someone is looking out for you.  Besides, this notion is much better than that “see a penny, pick it up and all the day you’ll have good luck” saying.

Have you had similar experiences or do you know someone who has?
If it happens to you, my advice is to LISTEN.

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina.  There are prophetic and otherworldly glimmerings in both of his published novels too:  http://thefensk.com

WeekendCoffeeShare Update

Public domain image, royalty free stock photo from www.public-domain-image.com
http://www.public-domain-image.com (public domain image)

If we were having coffee today I’ll tell you that so much has been happening since our last meeting, I can’t tell it all.  I’m actually going to leave a bunch of stuff for later, maybe next week, but probably the week after.

What I thought I’d talk about today though, is how much I enjoy these little chats over coffee.  Weekend Coffee Share is such a great idea, I am totally shocked more people don’t do it.

In simple terms, it is a blog share.  The only requirement is that one add a qualifier to the text … giving a personal introduction to your good blog friends, both new and old, as if we were sitting down and talking over coffee. Oh, and you need to add the hashtag #weekendcoffeeshare too it.

Some bloggers take this them quite literally, using this time to update us all on their lives and the happenings of that week.  This is fine and informative.  We all get to know each other.   I join a few other bloggers in using the forum to blog about whatever strikes my fancy, but I still follow the protocol.  It works for me because if you know me, I’ll tend to talk about *whatever* anyway, over coffee or calzone or cupcakes, coffee, tea, chocolate shakes … you name it.

It gets me blogging when I might otherwise just let it slide.  Like today.  I’m busting at the seams to tell you a whole lot of stuff, but there are reasons I want to let things percolate just a little longer.  But I haven’t updated my blog in a while and here it is Saturday, and I’m drinking coffee and I figured, what the hell?

So, if you created that blog two weeks ago, or two years ago, or … whenever, and you haven’t updated it in a while and you feel all guilty about never updating it, here’s your chance.   Just grab a cup, and sit down and start sharing.  We are more interested than you think.

You need to know one more thing about it. The share is hosted by “eclecticali” at WordPress, who posts an intro and reminder every week along with the share link.  It isn’t totally required to click that and add your blog, just the hashtag will generally suffice, but it definitely adds to the sense of community and fun.  if you follow the blog you can also subscribe to email updates … this helps remind me to fire up my guilt-trip generator.  Here is this week’s intro, blog, and linkup:

https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/2018/07/20/weekendcoffeeshare-time-to-reflect-and-a-busy-day/

Join in the fun!

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in NC.  You can find info on his works at http://thefensk.com

Flashback

uhuc
Reprinted without permission from the University of Houston Magazine Spring 2018 issue. Permission requested numerous times without response.

If we were having coffee today I’d again be waxing all nostalgic on you.  I saw this picture in the Spring 2018 University of Houston Magazine.  Wow, what a flash from the past.  I see from the banner that this dates from the campaign days of 1976.  I could so easily be in this picture as during those years I went up and down those stairs countless times.  I was even grabbed by a Secret Service agent on the bottom of the stair case on the left when I attempted the go up the stairs while President Ford’s son was getting ready to speak on the upper landing during the 1976 campaign.

I got nostalgic seeing this picture because I have very deep roots to this building and most of my experiences there went way beyond just being a student.  For over two years I was employed there with two different jobs.  At that time the building comprised of two sections, the three story primary structure (well, basement and two upper levels) and an adjacent one story underground structure.  Just behind and below those stairs is where the entrance tunnel to the underground section was.  My first job was in an office down there and I was heading to class from work when the Secret Service grabbed me.

I worked for what was then called the “Campus Activities Department” and they provided support and advisors for all on-campus organizations like clubs, honor societies, student government, campus programming, fraternities, and sororities.  This service center took up the major portion of the underground portion of the building. One of the services was called the Organization’s Bank, and it allowed qualified groups from all aspects of campus life to have an “account” for their treasuries, all managed through a central Campus Activites bank account.  I first encountered this when I volunteered in the campus programming board, then called Program Council.  The woman who ran this bank was very friendly and pleasant so I’d drop by and visit from time to time just to say “Hi.”

In early 1975 she needed a new assistant and offered me the part-time office job. It was convenient working on-campus and it helped draw me into the mainstream of virtually all of campus life.  This was long before mass computerization so all the transactions were handled manually via an even-then ancient Burroughs automatic posting machine with individual ledger cards for each account. Young people are always amazed that we were able to use tools such as this in those pre-computer days but the machines and the procedures worked quite well. I worked there for over a year and quite enjoyed my time there.  The office was down a back hallway and I was working once when a fire occurred in one of the maintenance closets on the far edge of the building.  They evacuated both buildings as a precaution and that office was so out of the way, I was found happily working away by someone making a last pass through the building.  It was news to me.  Of course, they had suppressed the alarms.  So much for fire drills, right?

I could have worked in that office for another year until graduation, but through contacts in the building I became aware of a job in the maintenance department of the same building, as a student assistant to the building mechanics.  Office work was okay, but this job provided the opportunity for more hours and an even more flexible schedule. My hours were quite limited in the office job but in this role, I could work evenings and even weekends and pretty much set my own schedule.  There was *always* something to do.   Some weeks I could almost work full-time if the evening mechanic was sick.  On a student economy, more hours was always a plus.

This job was great, and because of it I eventually came to know almost every inch of the building complex.  I’m talking every office, every mechanical room, every deep dark cranny, even disgusting places you don’t want to know exist. Those steps in the picture? I painted those once, with a non-skid coating.  I regularly had to go onto the roof of the building too. One of the main duties was to go on rounds and make sure there were no problems like squeaky belts or grinding motor bearings (remember that fire I mentioned).  Once, while working over the holidays, I found a large amount of water pooling in the corridor between the main building and the underground offices and checked outside on  the ground above that corridor. It was obviously a major water main leak.   University repair crews had to be called in for an emergency repair even though it was Christmas Day.

The building was extensively renovated a few years ago and I’m sure when they were doing that, they found my scrawl on any of the older breaker boxes that had survived 35+ years in the building.  Once, some electricians were working in the ceiling above a dining room of what was called the old Cougar Den on the bottom level.  The workers found they needed to flip an unmarked breaker and this unfortunately cut power to the cash registers in the main dining area one floor above.  This happened in the middle of the lunch rush.  Nobody realized that during some past construction work  power had been tapped below the floor to a circuit in the Cougar Den to facilitate installation of new outlets for a cash register station that had no other access to power.  It took a frustratingly long time to locate the problem because no one thought to relate the work on the lower floor to this problem.  After that, another student worker and I spent a weekend mapping all the breakers in the building.

That particular work came in handy too because not long afterwards, we had been called in to help the short-staffed custodial group to do a rather large banquet reset in the third level ballroom late one Saturday night.  When we were almost done I was in the hallway outside the ballroom and detected a faint whiff of burned tar, which I knew was most likely the tell-tale odor of a fluorescent light ballast shorting out.

Sure enough, a quick survey discovered a nearby display case just beginning to fill with smoke.  We immediately ran to shut off power at one of the recently audited breaker-boxes down the hall.  My boss found a key to the case, which was thankfully almost empty and I removed the bulbs which rendered that fixture totally inoperative.  I replaced the ballast the next Monday morning and found it had suffered primary short that had already burned a hole in the ballast case (sometimes they just get hot and stop working) — this would have  definitely continued into a bad fire and would have caused a lot of damage.  It was just pure luck we were there (hey, it was a chance to grab a couple of extra hours pay, right?) and we knew the smell and immediately went hunting for the source. A hot ballast can not be ignored.
Ah the anonymous life of the Unsung Heroes.

I checked every maintenance closet and machine room every day I worked, mostly for just that sort of thing.  Problems were always cropping up on equipment that ran 24/7 (I return again to the fire, even though that pre-dated my maintenance work).  I had other regular duties too, for instance I changed all the air filters in the building every month or so.  I also changed uncounted numbers of light bulbs in every section of that building.  To this day I still find myself instinctively scanning ceilings in big buildings and secretly noting the lights that are burned out. I worked on plumbing repairs, helped with repair work on the food service equipment, and was involved in really unusual stuff too.

Once, one of the sewage sump pumps (one of those disgusting areas I mentioned earlier) jammed and bent the long drive shaft. It needed to be machined but most machine shops around the area could not handle a shaft that long; it was at least ten feet.  Somehow my boss heard about a super machine shop in the Physics Department, which even back in 1977 was an amazing facility.  We both carried this disgusting, mumblemumble-encrusted hunk of metal by hand far across campus to that shop in one of the science buildings  and they machined it.  It barely fit in the service elevator, which opened directly into the machine shop floor.

The curious thing about working in that building was that, as it turned out, both jobs were unplanned extensions to my education.  The office and bookkeeping skills I learned in the Organization’s Bank were a huge help in every job I held later.  Note: computer business processes were all built on the models of the tried and true manual process.  In he next job, by doing the varied maintenance work I gained invaluable on the job experience in electrical, plumbing, and carpentry repair. These are things I still use to this day.

The other great part about the maintenance job was that it was a blast most of the time.  The two senior mechanics were WWII veterans, one was a marine in the pacific and the other one had been with the Flying Tigers and was later a B29 mechanic in India, working on the bombers that flew over the Himalayas, so the stories I heard were personal and insightful.  Truly they were part of the greatest generation.  Once that B29 mechanic and I had to make a long excursion across campus in the underground tunnels that snake under most campuses.  (Maybe I’ll share that story another time.)

I had other duties too. I served as projectionist for  campus-run movies and there were times I ran the sound and lights in the ballroom for dances and other events held there. As I previously said, there were also times we helped out the custodial staff for banquet setups.

Neither one of these jobs were college “work-study” positions, they were considered regular employment; part-time jobs that added to my seniority when I later held a position at another state institution.  But just like any work-study job, it was a great convenience to work on campus.

Heck, I even had a master key to the building, something I needed to use while doing my general rounds.  Even custodial staff with many years employment there didn’t have a master key.  If I had to work on Saturday/Sunday mornings, I had to be on-time because I was the guy with the key!

Who knew what a flood of memories would come from that simple picture.
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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina.  He’d like to say he was a product of the famed writing program at the University of Houston but sadly, that program came into existence the year after he graduated.  Missed it by *that* much.

http://thefensk.com

Dobie

dobieIf we were having coffee today I’d admit I’m worried about Dobie’s health.  One of our many cats, Dobie has had the hardest time of it.  MasterCat First-Class Bailey had a serious knee injury and surgery about 10 years ago but he recovered nicely.  A few others have been to the vet for minor problems over the years.  Ah, but Dobie has had chronic issues since a very young age.  He is prone to urinary tract issues.  This happens with neutered male cats sometimes.  I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting the symptoms.

The real problem is the fact that we have many cats and a dog. It is almost impossible to keep him on the straight and narrow, food-wise.  His biggest problem is also his greatest love … dry food.  He just can’t eat it without eventually going over the edge. To the other cats’ dismay, their dry food intake is limited as well.  I don’t know why, but cats really seem to like dry food.  I think it is the crunch.

Anyway, I look for the symptoms. If I see him licking “himself” a lot, notice him straining in the cat box, or even worse, straining just about anywhere, I know he’s heading down the road to bad things. It doesn’t take too long before you can see he is just not feeling well at all and sometimes he will begin to vocalize his pain.  Usually, it is a combination.

The worst case is a total blockage. It is a serious medical situation and can result in renal failure and death.  It’s not an immediate problem, but once blocked the clock is ticking and it doesn’t take more than a couple of days.  Of course even if it isn’t an emergency, if he is so uncomfortable he’s making painful noises, it is high time to get him some relief.

The day to day routine is wet food only, plus a regular dose with a type of cat-treat with various compounds including cranberry to acidify his urine to prevent the formation of the crystals that tend to form in his bladder.  I’ve tried to keep him on premium cat food but it gets expensive and he doesn’t like most premium cat foods.  The few brands he craves are available at only a few stores around here and they are not particularly convenient.  Cost should be no object since sometimes the vet bills can be enormous.

Still, with so many animals, poor Dobie gets tired of his own routine and that is a hard thing to police.  I’ve even seen him crunching down on dry dog food if I let my guard down. Often, he just balks at his special “treats” and the other cats go on alert when they see him getting individualized treatment.  Of course, they all love those treats and will gobble then down whole.  I usually have to break them down into smaller chunks to get him to eat them.

I had a hunch he was developing a problem last Thursday and was watching him closely. Yesterday the  “licking” began and last night I noticed him take “the position” and yep, that was on the bed and I wasn’t fast enough.  Luckily his mood was still good and he still had a good appetite.  He also got quite a bit out. Not great for the linens, but great that he wasn’t totally blocked.  I got his treats down him at the full dose level and gave him some anxiety medication that helps ease the stress that makes it worse (if he can’t go he gets frantic and tries harder and harder).  So he’s at the vet today, and will hopefully provide a urine sample before they close.  There are prescription foods that actually break down the crystals (which he hates but he will at least eat the dry food). The urine sample would also indicate not only crystals but also infection. About half the time there’s been an infection, so we’ll see if he needs antibiotics.

So, slurp down your coffee, I need to be ready for when the vet calls.

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in NC … http://thefensk.com

Summer Reading Sale!!!

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Time to load your electronic media for your summer reading pleasure.
Escape from the stress and hassle of your vacation
by reading about someone else’s stress and hassle:  Catch The Fever!
Both Kindle Books $1.99 each, June 17 through June 23
http://www.thefensk.com/spec.html

Did you know … you don’t need a Kindle device to read these books?
You can get a free Kindle reading app for your iPad, tablet, phone, or computer.
Read standing in line, waiting for a table, wondering where your wife/husband is … you can even pretend to be working while you are reading!

 

Try and Try Again

img_7994-1If we were having coffee today I’d tell you something of my experience with the toughest challenge about being an author.  Writing a novel or any book is really hard and revision is even harder … but marketing kicks me in the proverbial rear end every time.

My philosophy … try anything.

For Father’s Day, I bought myself a promotion on a very popular twitter site hosted by someone named Lacey London.  She tweets awesome and funny things every day and has over a hundred thousand followers.  This is a one-time event.  I’m just curious.

I’m not much on scientific controls, so I’ve piggy-backed a separate price promotion as well.  I call it my Summer Reading eBook Sale.  It runs all week on Amazon, starting Sunday, June 17.  The thought is to entice responders to the tweet with a sale price, but I’ll also do a Twitter campaign of my own, pushing the special price on both my books for people who like to read on vacation.  I guess this post qualifies as part of that promotion as well.  But hey, it’s what I’m doing this week.

Yes, this is all on ebooks.  While doing promotions, people often tell me they don’t like ebooks, they like physical books.  I’ll tell you this, I have zillions of physical books but I also have zillions of ebooks. In one instance they are crushing the foundation of my house, in the other instance, I just have to manage electronic storage.

Another thing people tell me is they don’t want to have to buy a special device. Here’s the deal.  I have a tablet.  A lot of people have iPads.  Almost everybody has a phone and most have larger screens these days.  Just load the free Kindle app from Amazon or the free Nook app from Barnes & Noble (Kobo has one too and iBooks is built into iPads and iPhones) and you are ready to go.  The “I like the feel of a book in my hands” comments are solved on tablets with a good cover.  Amazon and B&N charge way too much for theirs, but I’ve found great aftermarket covers, you just have to look for them.  Ever get stuck somewhere where you have to kill some time and you wish you’d brought a book?  EBooks solve that problem.  Anyway, my novels are available in paperback too, they just aren’t on sale.  Available from the sale link.

On my sale page, I also mention my cookbook.  It’s only 99 cents so it is always on sale.  The best thing about pushing the cookbook is the fact that it has quite a number of dishes that would enhance anybody’s Fourth of July menu.  Especially the “potato salad secret.”  They are mostly my own recipes, centered around the theme of the Mossback Cafe; it is a central setting in both novels.  Remember what I said earlier, about wishing I had brought a book?  I love having it on the Kindle app on my phone when I am grocery shopping and get a hankering for one of those recipes; I just pull up the cookbook and I can review the recipes.

Oh, that secret thing?  It’s something I stumbled upon about forty years ago.  I don’t think people believe me.  At first glance it seems counter-intuitive yet, ironically, it is also logically appropriate because it involves a simple ingredient.  It was one of those happy accidents.  I made a huge potato salad for an informal wedding with a potluck. I was at best a fledgling cook and didn’t much know what I was doing and I did this simple thing on a whim.  At the wedding,  I was almost embarrassed because I had little old ladies following me around asking for the recipe. Really, I just threw it together. People were practically cratering the bowl scraping every last remnant.  It took me a while to realize that although the potato salad was pretty conventional, it was just that one ingredient that pushed it over the edge.

Nope, no hints here, but I will tell you that although the cookbook is 99 cents on Amazon, it is free at smashwords.com.  There is also a recipe for a coffee cake in the cookbook that is so addictive two different readers have mentioned that fact in reviews on Amazon and Smashwords.  Hey, coffee cake; I guess that brings us back to our coffee share here so I better wrap things up … have a wonderful Father’s Day!  Please don’t make him buy dinner.

I’d love it if you would share my links and, of course, check out all three books.  The sale price starts tomorrow (sale on UK Amazon too!)  I’m @thefensk on twitter.

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Thomas Fenske is an author living in NC.  His summer special can be found at http://thefensk.com/spec.html

Pining for the Fjords

fiordIf we were having coffee today I’d tell you a little something about pining for the fjords.  You’ve probably heard that expression before.  It’s from one of my favorite Monty Python routines … The Parrot.  I think of that every time I catch sight of a pet gazing off into space, I say they are pining for the fjords.

I happened to catch this photo the other day.  It’s our dog, Daisy, pining for the fjords.  It was a hard picture to capture because every time she did this and I grabbed my phone and tried to get up and get into position her attention was diverted and I lost the moment.  Danged beagle in her, I guess.

Ah, but not long after I got this shot  (at high magnification)  I had to go out to the car and … well, I saw the rest of the story.  She wasn’t pining for the fjords at all.

chi

She was thinking “let’s have chicken tonight!”

This was what was going on directly outside that window.  The neighbors have a lot of chickens and they can’t seem to contain them.  Not just chickens. Guinea Fowl too.  Every trip outside is a new adventure for both of us. I’m sure she aspires to embrace these birds but let me tell you, that is ONE BIG ROOSTER.  You don’t want to go there, Daisy.  Believe me.

Sigh, at least our tick populations are way down.


Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina.
http://thefensk.com

Squirrel Armageddon

evilIf we were having coffee today I guess it would be high time I told you about my experience with Squirrel Armageddon.  That’s right.  I’m talking about evil, vindictive squirrels.

I was reminded of this the other day when I saw some television commercial that featured a number of squirrels all gathered in a tree and they were ganging up on a guy and pelting him and his car with pine cones.  It is amazing the horrors that can be dredged up from something so mundane.

Years ago in Austin, Texas I lived next to a park that stretched along a creek in a narrow band for about a mile or so.  Most weekends I’d take a walk down the length of this park and back.  My garage apartment was right at the edge of a wider area of the park that was nicely wooded and included tennis courts and a playground and at the end of my walk I’d usually saunter across this area back to my place.

One quiet Sunday I was finishing my rounds and as I entered the far edge of the playground I heard a loud noise over near my house.  My next-door neighbor’s dog was chasing a squirrel in the yard.  The squirrel managed to get away but not before it let off a loud frantic alarm screech.  In seconds, in every tree in the park, every squirrel in the area descended and started chirping and flicking their tails, not at the miscreant dog mind you, but at me.  The dog was long gone, show’s over for him.  These guys were all focused on yours truly, the only other living thing in the park.

I don’t know if you’ve ever really heard a squirrel alarm, so I found one on YouTube that sounds pretty close to what I remember.  https://youtu.be/i6IR0JmfkvQ … fast forward to about 43 seconds in.  Close your eyes and let it sink in, then multiply it by hundreds and add in spooky echoing effects from all the trees on an otherwise still Sunday morning. Yeah, I think that would be pretty close.

Don’t forget, they were focusing all their attention on me, every last one of them, their tails flicking, their evil, dark squirrel eyes sizing me up, re-positioning themselves to continue focusing on me as I warily crept across the park, at this point uncertain if the intimidation might possibly turn into action.  I have to admit I thought of that fearsome bunny in Monty Python And The Holy Grail.

This cacophony continued until well after I fumbled with my keys and entered the safety of my apartment.  I’m sure great-great grandchildren squirrels in that park still recount tales of their ancestors fighting and winning the battle of Sunday morning.  Brrrrrr.

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina.  http://thefensk.com for more information.

Ahhh! Spiders!

spider2If we were having coffee today I’d hope I didn’t gross you out but I want to talk about spiders.  Well, to be honest, I just want to tell you about finding spiders.  It’s really no big deal.  One of the coolest things I learned in the Girl Scouts was finding spiders.  (Yeah, that’s right, Girl Scouts, I was a Girl Scout, but that’s another story).

I was reminded of this recently when I found one of those clip-on-the-brim-of-your-hat flashlights.  It’s great for taking out the dog at night.  As she was sniffing around trying to find that one, special, ideal little spot for, well, you know … I was looking around.  I saw these little lights shining back at me.  Tiny little lights.  One here, two there, another one over yonder.  And I thought back to learning this trick in the Girl Scouts.  [Okay, when my daughter was a Brownie I was a troop leader for camping trips and we had to attend troop leader camp training.  If you are a troop leader, you are a Girl Scout, okay?]

Anyway, if you hold a bright flashlight right between your eyes and shine it out six to fifteen feet away, slowly sweeping the beam, you will soon be aware of these tiny little bright lights peering back at you.  Sometimes you might hit a dewdrop reflection but the brighter more distinctive lights are spiders.  Or to be more accurate spider eyes. These spiders are actually saying, “here’s looking at you, kid.”

Their retinas reflect light like a cat’s eye, but they’re a little different in that they direct it directly back at the source.  During the Apollo missions, they deployed laser reflectors on the surface of the moon that do the same thing. If a laser is pointed at the right coordinates, the light will bounce back right to the source (moon landing hoaxers forget about this simple proof we were there).

Anyway, the hat brim light is in the perfect place to do this same trick.  Actually, it’s ideal because it is stable and very bright.  The little lights can quickly disappear if the spider turns away but the coolest thing is when they are on the move and you see that little light dancing over the uneven ground of the backyard as they make their way through the grass.  It’s a fun trick to show kids (which is why they showed us this in Scout camp training). If for some reason you don’t believe me, you can hone in and get close and you’ll see it.  Even a very tiny spider causes a profound reflection.

WARNING: If you are deathly afraid of spiders never do this!  You will never go outside again!  Ever!

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Thomas Fenske is a writer living in North Carolina. Find info about him and his books at http://thefensk.com